Another of those long, rambling conversations I tend to have with Life, usually around 3am.
I’m saying something along the lines of, “So you’ve thrown just about everything at me this year, turned me upside down, inside out and catapulted me from highs to lows and back again. Could you just run me through the purpose for all that one more time?”
And Life sits there, smiling calmly and replies, “Do you need to have a purpose?”
That pulled me up sharp.
It’s a huge, broad, sweeping question, isn’t it? For me, it touched a raw nerve. I’m a people pleaser – the sort who always feels happiest when I’m making things better for other people. It’s what I’ve always done. That’s been The Purpose. This year more than most, I’ve been on a mission to do just that.
Oh yes, before anyone feels the need to throw in that ‘love yourself’ maxim, let me assure them that I’ve done the work on that one too. Took me quite a few decades and the help of a very skilled life coach to get there, but I do now always add my needs into the equation. Despite that, though, I’m at my best when I’m working flat out to sort out a difficult problem and make life better for someone dear to me.
Such work has totally consumed me since February. And now – uh – my work is done. Yesterday I found the vision board I’d drawn back in the spring. It showed my little family safe in a new home, reunited with all their possessions, after having had to flee for their lives, settled and smiling and happy again most of the time with a comfortable house and tidy garden to enjoy and new friends calling round to visit.
Almost single-handedly, and while helping to heal some of the emotional pains and fears of three traumatised people, I’ve transformed their garden from this… to this. Even finished it on my daughter’s birthday!
So now what? Is Life about to hurl me headlong into some new drama, so that I can once more prove my own worth and stamina to myself? I suspect not. I suspect that I’ve brought myself to this point so that I can stop and wonder whether I need to have a purpose.
Is just being enough?